The Magic in Me

I spent the entire last day of 2012 curled up under a ridiculous number of blankets feeling like death would be preferable to sitting upright. The first day of 2013, I was feeling so much better that I took my blanket burrito downstairs and lay on the floor, occasionally moaning or making feeble motions towards eating soup.

It was quite the party.

Brandus is a total rock star, and I’m fairly certain I told him I’d give him my first born, which made him snort and Voldemort yell “NOOO” and try and burrow into my blanket fort with me to attach himself like a barnacle to my side. That lasted all of five seconds before he was trying to steal all of my covers to make himself a ghost.

So, 2013. Here we are.

2012, when I think about it, didn’t fit well into the “awesome” category. Honestly, it pretty much sucked. I got fired, which was a first. I started a new job – again. I thought I was doing great – again. And then I get called on the carpet during the first week and am bawled out about something that came completely out of left field – AGAIN! I started having actual panic attacks, which is FABULOUS, let me tell you. Both Brandus and Voldemort made a trip to the E.R. And the topping on the cake was the death of my mother in law.

Fuck you, 2012.

But you, 2013, I feel good things from you. I’m getting a new niece or nephew. I’m going back to get my Masters (unwillingly, but that’s irrelevant). I’m starting to write again.

You and me, 2013. We’re going to get along just fine. I’m going to ignore the fact that Voldemort needs significant dental work (HE’S NOT EVEN FIVE. HE BRUSHES TWICE A DAY. WHAT THE HELL.) and I spent the second night of 2013 dealing with significant insomnia because I kept running over and over and over what my mother would say about his teeth – all of which end up with her laying the blame neatly at my feet, much as she did when he was just born and wasn’t gaining weight and she decided it was because I wasn’t dressing him warmly enough and he was using up all of his energy keeping warm NOT THAT I STILL THINK ABOUT THAT OR ANYTHING – and generally feeling like a terrible mother. So I went downstairs and stuffed my head so full of words and words and words of stories that I drowned out my own Anxiety Disorder influenced words of blame and hate and horribleness and I ended up getting two hours of sleep but NONE OF THAT IS IMPORTANT.

What is important is that 2013 and I are going to get along just fine. I won’t get fired. I will handle the panic attacks by remembering that my xanax is in my purse for a reason. I will support the Brandus as much as I can. I’ll try and remember awesome days like today with my kid, where he’s happy and helpful and interested in everything. I’ll drink more water, sing more songs, dance with my students, clean the kitchen, bake a cake.

Welcome to my world, 2013. Let’s rock this year.