PB&PB&J

I have been traveling for the last two weeks, completely without internet for the last 8 days, school starts tomorrow and the very thought makes me want to swallow my bottle of xanax whole, especially since my TA called me yesterday and told me she resigned, so instead of examining my issues, unpacking, or helping my child deal with jet lag, I’m going to tell you a secret.

Brandus does not know how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

The first time he made me one, I just turned and LOOKED at him, because how can you get a peanut butter and jelly sandwich WRONG? I mean, bread, peanut butter, jelly. This isn’t hard.

And ok, all three of those ingredients are there in the sandwiches he makes, but the proportions are all sideways and weird.

HOW TO MAKE A PROPER PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH
by alianora, age my-brain-is-fried-and-i-honestly-dont-remember

1. Obtain 2 slices of bread. No nuts or weird crap in the bread, just nice normal wheat.

2. Locate peanut butter. Ensure jar says “Creamy.”

3. Spread both slices of bread with thorough covering of peanut butter. Yes, I said both sides. This is very important.

4. Locate jelly in fridge.

5. Curse when you realize you have raspberry and strawberry, but no grape.

6. PB&J sandwiches aren’t really PB&J unless it’s grape.

7. Sulk.

8. Locate honey in cupboard.

9. Destick self from honey bottle.

10. Attempt controlled pour of honey onto one side of bread.

11. Wipe honey off the table with fingers.

12. Place two pieces of bread together.

13. Proudly show husband that THIS way, with two sides of peanut butter, keeps the bread from getting all soggy.

14. Nobly ignore the mocking from husband over the fact the bread isn’t soggy, but the honey is dripping on the floor.

15. Leave the mess for your 3 year old to find and spread throughout the house.

FINIS