I Thinking of Going Out for a Scholarship

I, in my infinite wisdom, have been contemplating college.

specifically, i have been contemplating random stuff that happened in college.

have a list:

-in my freshman year, in my first ever theater role in COLLEGE, i had to say the word “fuck” onstage. i had to be counseled on how to emphasize it correctly, because i didnt know how to cuss. needless to say, ive gotten the fuck over that thanks!

-my chem professor was being slowly pushed out of his role as a teacher due to being old and insane. unfortunatly, it wasnt soon enough, and i got a D first semester. i spent two (two!) class sessions staring at mud and a leaf that was stuck to the side of his shoe. why did he not notice this when he REMOVED his shoes after the first class?

-i was hired to work in the costume shop based on the fact i completely unloaded the costumes and stuff at a competition. of course, i did this to avoid having to carry large heavy pieces of scenery, but i kept the job for 3 and a half years, so i must have some sort of work ethic.

-walmart was 15 minutes away, in a different town. we went several times a week.

-i walked in and told the special ed advisor (just one, i went to a small school) how excited i was to be there and to be going into special ed, and she said, “thats nice” and then spent the next 2 semesters trying to talk one of my good male friends into going into SpEd and completely ignored me and never did remember my name even though i introduced myself three or four times. i should have paid more attention, because that would have let me know some of the hell i was going to play with senior year.

-i lived with 2 girls named Rachel my freshman year. one as my roommate and one as my suitemate. and there was another next door, and one more down the hall.

-i remember calling my mom and dad crying and sobbing my freshman year because my anal money controlling self couldnt figure out how i had gotten $300 in the hole. i still dont know either, but i know that almost half of it really wasnt my fault.

-on graduation day, it was hot as all hell. we are all standing there in nice clothes and robes underneath and i am sweating and i had just broken up with The Fish the night before and nobody knew and his parents and my parents and him and my sisters were all waiting there, and i hiked my robe up to my waist and took off my pantyhose right there in front of everybody and threw them away.

-i gave up on most Christians being anything other than smug irritating bastards when i asked if i could work with the Young Life group and got very very snubbed. evidently, it takes someone very special to get a pie in the face.

-The Fish transferred from really freaky Christian college where they turned the phone system off at 9 am to a Grandaddy sactioned less insane college, and then was shocked that i didnt transfer to be with him, even though they didnt offer a special ed degree and i would have had to wear something nicer than jeans to class.

-my advisor tried to help me learn something i had a block on by telling me (almost direct quote), “if you dont understand this, you will fail. There! that should help.”

-my roomate K’Elise and i did the mail dance to the mail room and back everyday, to the tune of one of Will Smith’s songs. the “NaNaNa” one, specifically.

-K’Elise and i also had a tendency to throw ourselves at trees or walls or anything nonmoving and the same color as our clothing and yell, “Can you see me?!”

-i was very proud to be published and on the editing team of our school literary mag my senior year. see fiction for Gravity, and see how crazy my senior year made me!

-i am one of the few theater people who never had sex a)in the theater or b)with another theather person. in fact, i never have dated another theater person..which is pretty rare. generally, we are pretty incestious and date EVERYONE in the theater at least once.

im not sure why i am regurgitating this now, but i wanted to share. arent you excited?

also, Mac over at pesky declared some day last week “Blurker Amnesty Day” which i think would be fun..but i honestly dont think i HAVE any blurkers. (i love the word “blurker” by the way. it sounds like a fish, or a rude noise. but in reality, it stands for “Blog Lurker”) however, if any of you blurkers are blurking over here, please pop up and say something. anything. recite the pledge rudely. mock me publicly. tell me my fiction sucks. tell me best friend Shan to come visit me. whatever.