How to Follow a Recipe

For dinner tonight, I made this delicious Chicken and Rice Casserole, which I was excited to try because I love the Campbell’s Chicken and Rice bakes but I never have the Cream of Anything soups because I find them visually gross and off putting.

So this was perfect!

Only, of course, what I ended up making was in no way a Chicken and Rice Casserole.

For fun, I always read the comments on recipe posts, and they are usually variations on these themes:
1. Followed the recipe exactly! I loved it!
2. Followed the recipe exactly! It was awful!
3. I changed the asparagus to peas, heated it to 450, and burnt it to a crisp – perfect!
4. I added milk instead of water, cooked it in a waffle iron, and covered it in ketchup – worst chocolate cake ever!

I usually try to stick with theme 1. Tonight? Well…

My method to make Chicken and Rice Casserole (without Cream of Soup)
Step 1: Melt butter. I hate onions, so skip those. Add twice the amount of garlic called for.

Step 2: I can’t find the tablespoon..how much is 4 TBSPs? Maybe about 1/4 a cup? Works for me. 1/4 cup flour!

Step 3: I add dried milk because Voldemort drank the last of the fresh, a block and a half of chicken bullion because that’s all I have, and stop at 6 cups of water, because 7 just looks like it’s going to over flow the pan.

Step 4: Turn heat to high. Wait for bubbles. Swear at self after realizing the turkey is still in the freezer.

Step 5: Defrost turkey halfway. Forget about it and leave it in the microwave.

Step 6: Bubbles! Rice? No, I have Trader Joe’s Harvest Grain mix, which is DELICIOUS, so I shall be using that.

Step 7: Realize the amount of liquid in the recipe was because rice needs more water. Eyeball the harvest grains, shrug, and dump most of it in.

Step 8: Realize the timing of the boiling was for rice, which takes longer to cook. Decide to start with 10 minutes instead of 20.

Step 9: I have 2 unopened sleeves of Ritz crackers that I would rather eat as crackers. But I do have one sleeve with 4 crackers in it and half a package of stale pita chips, which is just going to have to work.

Step 10: Crush crackers. Frown when confronted with the fact that this does not add up to a sleeve of crushed Ritz. Add oat bran and wheat germ to bulk it up a little.

Step 11: Timer dings. Look for the turkey. Remember it’s still in the microwave. Chop and stir into sauce.

Step 12: Add frozen broccoli while I’m at it, because why not. We need a veggie.

Step 13: Dump whole mess into 9×13 pain. Add random cheeses because that last handful of motz needs to be used up before it gets gross. Top with crumbs of whatever.

Step 14: Bake until bubbly.

Step 15: Watch Voldemort lick spoon once and request an apple instead.

Step 16: Richly enjoy the deliciousness that is not Chicken and Rice Casserole.

I hope that this information was helpful in teaching you how to correctly follow a recipe! Remember, read all the directions and check your list of ingredients before beginning. You should listen to me – I’m a professional!