Moles and Trolls

Substitute teaching is an interesting beast. I can work full time, if I wish, but I don’t get any benefits – no health care or anything. I can work part time, if I wish, but I don’t get paid to not work. And my phone rings at really weird hours. Last week the sub system called me at noon to ask if I could work at two…while I was working.

It’s actually going pretty well. Not having to deal with a lot of the day to day politics and stress makers has lowered my anxiety a good bit – although going in to a school I’ve never been to before is still terrifying. I’ve only had maybe one school where I didn’t feel welcomed and like I knew what I was doing – and I haven’t been back there. Fortunately, I haven’t had another call for there, which leaves from having to decide if I want to take the risk on going back…and also makes me think they hated me. Isn’t anxiety fun?

Right now, I’m discovering an interesting dilemma.

As I am currently working part time as a special ed teacher at a Montessori school Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, I only have Monday and Friday of each week to sub.

I am finding that Sunday nights are wrestling matches between the fact I need money and the face that I’d much rather stay at home.

My brain remarks, apparently casually: You know, you could totally cancel. No one would care as long as you do it tonight.

Me: No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.

Brain: You could get some things done around the house..

Me: It would be nice to bake a bit.

Brain: PERFECT.

Me: No, wait! NO!

Brain: *whining* Come ON. We can come back after dropping off the kid and go back to sleep. Bake cookies..it’s been a while since you’ve worked on a quilt. And you totally need to go to the store.

Me: I can do all these things AFTER work.

Brain: But then you’ll be tired and you won’t want to

Me: NO. …Maybe. Keep talking.

I’ve only succumbed a couple of times so far, and was in the middle of a very difficult round of me vs brain tonight when I got a message that my job tomorrow had been cancelled.

Which is good, because my brain evidently has a list of stuff that needs to get done.